THE OTHER
GHETTO STANG
_____________________________________
Because the world needs more fly Fords, here be the latest ...
A genuine Playah Wannabe, Rollin' Low, Mad Chillin', Linkin Park Edition Fucked Up Pony. Word.
If you think this is bad, it gets worse. This looks like a rejected 'walk-on' car for "The Fast and the Furious." When I first saw it, I screamed in agony as the rods and cones in my eyes fused.
SUBSONIC II- the largest
group of ghetto-wannabe thuglets around. Here's the Veep's Ghetto Cruiser!
It has a top speed of Jam-Factor 9.2.
Clear tail lights, double tier wing, ground FX kit, full rear window decals, tint from hell.
I see plenty of space to put a V-TEC and a TYPE-R emblem. I think they would really add to the whole package, short of filling in the "MUSTANG" lettering in the bumper with green paint.
The only EXPLICIT thing here is rampant ignorance. Too bad ignorance isn't a crime, or this guy would get the chair. And really, if some guy was coming to pick up your daughter, and you saw this in his window, you'd laugh at him and send him packing. What a poser.
"No, I'm sorry, Scooter. Amanda Catherine's mom and I don't let her date loooozors like you."
This is what happens when you're messing with your supah-fly stereo system and you don't pay attention to the road. This Ghetto Stang looks like it hit Kermit the Frog and splatted the poor muppet all across the front end. Call this shade "booger green" for want of a better name for the color. Notice the hood pins to hold all of that awesome V6 power under the hood? Every whigger has a RD racing sticker, I've come to believe. it seems to be standard issue around here locally with the poser gang. Notice that the front decal reads "SUBSONIC", which I guess is a play on the words "sub" for "subwoofer" and "sonic" for "sound". Chrome rims, mud or cow shit behind the fenders, fake hood and hood scoop (more on that below) round out this Ghetto Stang. The front spoiler is great for when it snows in Mississippi, which is like once every 10 years. Notice that the front of the Ghetto Stang is "SUBSONIC", but the rear is "SUBSONIC TOO", sorry, "SUBSONIC II". Confused?
Maybe there's a big sticker on the bottom of the car that says "SUBSONIC III." In any case, "subsonic" is Air Force jargon for "slow" and in this case, I think the stickers are warranted.
Now when you have all this power on tap under the hood, the first thing you need to do is to be responsible for the massive amount of cold air that the engine is going to require in order to build all of that power. The owner of this Ghetto Stang has wisely installed a wire mesh (using six pop rivets) which should keep small birds, curious children, and other debris out of the air intake of this awesome muscle machine. Oh, wait, there isn't even an opening in the scoop! I'm surprised there isn't a K&N sticker somewhere on each side of the fake scoop or a "RAM AIR" decal.
Remember, "RACING ... BECAUSE FOOTBALL, BASEBALL, BOWLING, & GOLF ONLY REQUIRE ONE BALL." Oh hell. I'm intimidated now. Yes, but while each of those sports are only played with one ball, each of those sports also require a certain minimum IQ in which to participate. Notice again, this is the Veep of the SUBSONIC II group. Mad props! Yo Ghetto Stang be supah fly! Chillin the most with a quickness, biaatch! Crank that Kid Rock!
No huge panties this time, but we do notice that there is a liberal amount of muppet blood discoloring the inside. Perhaps after he hit Kermit the Frog, he dragged him inside to finish him off. Thankfully, the putrid green cancer seems to be mainly affecting the exterior of this poor Ford. Notice the aftermarket shifter with the button in the middle. Must be for the NOSSSSSS! Though I didn't see any NOS stickers, so I doubt if he has any of the good stuff on board. That button probably turns on the neon under his car. $20 says it's green to match.
Oh, that's the GTP in the background.
And who owned this joke?
Some dumpy white kid with a backwards baseball cap and baggy shorts. When he came out of the bank, I took one look at him and told Gimp "That's the owner." Sure enough, the kid got in the Ghetto Stang and drove off, subs thumping... Gimp leaned out as we drove off and shouted as loud as he could "Your car looks like ass!"
The guy couldn't hear us above his music.