Studies have shown that you are using only  10% of your total brain capacity...   (3% if you are a NASCAR fan)

Mind if I screw with the other 90% of it?

optipessimism: looking forward to seeing the dumb in people.

BLACK ECHO'S views on life as he sees it.

CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. -- The oxygen generator on the International Space Station is working again after the crew repaired it Thursday morning, according to reports.  The two astronauts aboard the International Space Station were able to get the primary oxygen generator working after a five-day breakdown.

I'm sure the astronauts breathed a sigh of relief. -BE

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I was never a big Panterra fan, I can honestly say that I've probably heard maybe one Panterra song in my whole life and I would be hard pressed to remember what it was. Still, the passing of Dimebag Darrel is something of note. I heard where all the bloggers and angsters were calling this shooting the "worst day in the history of metal."

I beg to differ on that opinion. I think the worst day in the history of metal was when Milton Bearl first appeared in a RATT music video. Metal all started to go downhill from there.

Oh, well. If there's an afterlife then I'm sure that Dimebag isn't having to go far to do an encore to Panterra's "Cowboys from Hell" album.

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I see where Barbara (bwa-bwa) Walters named Paris Hilton as one of the most interesting people of 2004. Hilton has got to be the biggest vacant skulled twit in the world and she's considered one of the most interesting people of 2004?  Wow. I guess there just weren't a lot of interesting people in 2004 if Paris Hilton somehow got on the list. 

That says a lot about the human race in general.
 

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Recently there was a contest on a forum I frequent.  The theme was with the advent of George Lucas and his digital meddling, what would we see in the new DVD editions of the original trilogy.  These were my contributions.  Enjoy.

"This is no cave, your highness." -Han Solo

I always thought that Jeb Porkins was a big fat redneck and now thanks
to my idea and Mark Longmire's expert graphic work on this funny, we finally have proof.

Here was another SW inspired image courtesy of Mark Longmire,
back during the Hurricane Ivan days.  It was titled "Use the Force, Luke!"

Star Wars.  There's so much potential for mirth there.  Especially since Lucas
began fucking the story up with Return of the Jedi and he hasn't looked back since.

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Is it just me or did John Edwards remind you a lot of the late John Ritter?
I mean, the resemblance was uncanny.

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My God!  Elton John has turned into a caricature
of something out of a Dr. Seuss book!

The man really has let himself go to pot.

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Here's a great way to grow the business for your online company! 

Insult the potential customer before they ever buy anything!

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Just another collaboration between Longmire and myself...

The original news article was about a protest and the people were holding up pictures
of one of the slain terrorists.  Longmire and I thought this was more appropriate.  God bless NASCAR.

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More forum irony goodness.

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I always wanted to know what N/A feels like.  I guess I'll just go outside and find out.  Be right back.

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Is it just me or does Al Gore really look a lot like... Jeffery Jones?! 

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More forum irony goodness.

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I got this in my SPAM folder.  It's the second entry, I'm sure that they meant to say "watch hot TEEN girls peeing live" but the spammer typed out TENN, short for Tennessee, instead of TEEN.  I forwarded this screen shot to Longmire who lives in TN and asked him if it was anyone he might live near.  At least it's better than hot AK Arkansas girls peeing live, which I think you can watch as a pay per view exhibit at the new Clinton Presidential Library and Massage Parlor.

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More forum irony goodness.

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Sorry.  It's an in-joke.  Some will get it, some won't.
Goodbye, Ray and thanks for the music.

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Oh, crap!  I didn't know that they were holding ANSANAUT hostage! 
I better get to Mission Control and round up a rescue flight!  More SPAM from my folder.

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Pretty much says it like it is, or you can take the next one if you need more.

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Peter Weller and Christopher Reeve

Separated at birth?  You be the judge!

Yeah, I'm going to hell and I'll save you a seat at the picnic table when I get there.

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There was another contest on the forum I hang out on.  This one was to take a movie poster and rename the movie based solely on what the poster portrayed and what you thought the movie would be about.  Here was my winning entry.

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Why is there a midget in John Kerry's pants and
why is the midget holding a microphone out of Kerry's zipper?

____________________________________________________

It's Clitler!  Sieg Heil!

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More forum irony goodness.

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More irony from my SPAM folder.  Check the third message from the bottom

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We had a meeting a few weeks ago.  The speaker stood up at the podium, said a few words, played with the microphone, then said "I think there's an echo in here." 

A few people turned to look back at me and I just rolled my eyes.  There was some laughs and the speaker thought they were laughing at him.  It was priceless.

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Here are some more SPAM emails I received.  I just wrote down the subject part of the message.  I don't even want to know what a "butch hydrocarbon" is but I think I'll use it as an insult the next time I get into an argument.

____________________________________________________

I am actually ashamed that someone with this low IQ lives near me.

November 7, 2004

This isn't 'land of the free' for gays now

As I sit at my desk, tears running incessantly down my face, my heart is breaking. Why did Mississippians vote for the amendment to ban gay marriage? Why did they single out one group and tell them that their love is so unimportant and deviant that there should be an amendment to our constitution against that group?

Gays have done nothing to them, except live life and love, when it comes, with just as much fervor as heterosexuals. Homosexuals are mothers, fathers, doctors, lawyers, students, military personnel and retirees. They pay taxes, vote, and participate in the political process. They are no different from others. Yet, 88 percent of the voters decided to tell them that they are deviant. Shame on them, especially those who couldn't say they even know a gay person.

Around the state right now, there are thousands of gays who are crying because now they understand how hated and misunderstood they are. I have been in politics since I was 16, and I never thought that we'd see another group be regulated simply for being who they are. I guess that I was wrong, and in being wrong about that, I guess I was wrong about state and country. We aren't the land of the free unless it's convenient for the rest of the population.

Jennifer Morgan
Hattiesburg
 

Newsflash!  Homosexuality is a deviant behavior, Jennifer.  It does nothing to advance the species and it goes against nature.   As such, you might as well have been advocating the right to pedophilia or bestiality.   I might be more inclined to feel pity for homosexuals if they hadn't forced their lifestyle on normal people and basically beat us over the head with their beliefs at every chance they got for the last two decades.  You wanted to wake us up, well, you did it and the majority have spoken in a much louder and harsher voice than you ever thought possible.  The problem isn't that we hate you, the problem is that you thought you had more political and social pull than you actually did.  Even in the most liberal of all states where gay marriage was advanced it was defeated by a 2 to 1 margin.  In Mississippi the vote was 6 to 1 against gay marriage but then advocating gay marriage in the Bible Belt probably wasn't the smartest thing the gay sector of the populace ever did.  It's not that you're hated, Jennifer.  It's that your lifestyle is not accepted.  There's a difference.  This is not a civil rights issue as the homosexuals try to point out and create.  This is a lifestyle choice and the majority have said "enough" and "no."

Please don't confuse this lifestyle choice with a civil rights issue.  Gays have the exact same rights they did before the election, no more, no less.  People aren't lynching gays, aren't stopping them from working, aren't denying them the right to vote.  Quite the contrary, you used your right to vote.  You cast your vote and we cast ours.  Live with the decision that was made.  The fact that you tried to get something like this passed in Mississippi, when we wouldn't even do the politically correct thing and change our flag like all the other wussy states were doing, simply boggles my mind.  Apparently, when you talk about being wrong about the state, implying that we're stupid for our decision, I would throw that argument back on you.  How stupid was it for you to try to pull something like this in Mississippi?  Pretty damn dumb.  Don't cry, doll.  You've only got yourself to blame for your predicament.

Deal with it, Peaches.

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From the "Darwin is pleased." file...

Ground Zero Suicide Driven by Election

Sunday, November 07, 2004

NEW YORK — A 25-year-old man from Georgia who was apparently distraught over President Bush's re-election shot and killed himself at ground zero. Andrew Veal (search)'s body was found Saturday morning inside the off-limits site, said Steve Coleman, a spokesman for the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey. A shotgun was found nearby, but no suicide note was found, Coleman said.

Veal's mother said her son was upset about the result of the presidential election and had driven to New York, Gus Danese, president of the Port Authority Police Benevolent Association, told The New York Times in Sunday's editions.

Friends said Veal worked in a computer lab at the University of Georgia and was planning to marry.

"I'm absolutely sure it's a protest," Mary Anne Mauney, Veal's supervisor at the lab, told The Daily News. "I don't know what made him commit suicide, but where he did it was symbolic."

Police were investigating how Veal entered the former World Trade Center site, which is protected by high fences and owned by the Port Authority.

I see this as a three way winning scenario. 

Third of all, this is one less vote for Hillary Clinton in 2008.  Anyway you look at it, it's a winning situation all around. -BE

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I see where "Americans" were flocking to Canada's immigration web site after George W. Bush won reelection.  You see, you can tell the real Americans from the faux Americans.  When Clinton was elected and made a mockery of the White House, when he tarnished forever the Oval Office, the real Americans bided their time and we ran him out of office.  Now that George W. Bush is back in office, you can tell who the real Americans are, we're the ones who are staying in America and trying to do the hard work.  The faux Americans are the ones who are shirking their responsibility, crying like babies and running away.

I really do hope that all the liberals that can pack up and head for Canada.  Hooray!  Less votes for Hillary in 2008!  Do your part to keep America great and strong!  Encourage a liberal to leave!  The farther away the better.  Canada is good but Europe is so much nicer.

Liberals.  Can't live with them, can't shoot them.

____________________________________________________

From the "Where's Janet Reno when you need her?" File...

Students Won't Leave Until GOP Answers

Friday, November 05, 2004

BOULDER, Colo. — About 85 students remained holed up inside the library at Boulder High School (search) early Friday, saying they're concerned about the direction the country is headed and refusing to leave until they've met with leaders from the Republican Party.

Some of the students involved in the protest, organized after President Bush (search) won re-election to a second term on Tuesday, placed calls to Republican politicians and left messages.

"We want them to reassure us that our fears are misguided and that the government is doing everything in its power to prevent our futures from being destroyed," said senior Brian Martens.

The students said they were not protesting this week's election, but said they were worried about the huge national debt run up during the first four years of the Bush administration, along with military recruitment in schools and other issues.

The students, who brought sleeping bags and enough food to last through the weekend if needed, said they wanted to talk to representatives of GOP Gov. Bill Owens (search) and 4th District Rep. Marilyn Musgrave, R-Fort Morgan, who sponsored the failed constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage.

Students began their protest on Thursday. Boulder police verified with school security officials that the students were allowed to stay overnight and into Friday. Representatives of 2nd District Rep. Mark Udall, D-Eldorado Springs, and U.S. Senator-elect Ken Salazar, D-Denver, are expected to visit them sometime during the day.

Boulder High teacher James Vacca expressed pride in the students for staging the protest.

"In an age where narcissistic college students riot in an inarticulate drunken stupor, you have students here at Boulder High School, principled, thoughtful and yet scared of four more years of pre-emptive war, the Patriot Act and an increase in militarism at school through the No Child Left Behind Act," he said.

Here's how you deal with this.  If they refuse to leave the library at school, no problem.  Go and chain up the doors to the library and walk away.  When they start beating on the doors to be let out for food and water and to go to the bathroom, then they'll realize how stupid it is to hold up in a library and inconvenience other people.  Kids, there are easier ways to get results than to put other people out.  I have zero tolerance, patience or pity for protesters. -BE
 

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Recently at work, right before the election, a friend of mine went into the break room to eat her lunch.  She bowed her head and prayed before her meal.  One of our resident uber yet politically ignorant liberals took this opportunity to mock her by bowing her head and mock praying loudly saying:

"Dear God.  Please don't let the moron get elected to the White House tomorrow.  Ah-men."

After the election, our resident liberal was physically ill with the election results.  I took the golden opportunity to rub it in even further by telling her that it looked like God had answered her prayers.  She was fit to be tied.

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Someone showed me the new AOL Black Focus Edition.  Excuse me, the WHAT?!  Did we really NEED this, folks?  What next?  The AOL Homosexual Focus Edition?  The AOL Jewish Focus Edition?  Someone asked when they were going to come out with the AOL Stupid White Guy Edition and another person commented that was the standard edition.

Unreal.  Imagine the firestorm of controversy you would start if you introduced a version of AOL with WHITE FOCUS?  Try it.  I dare you.

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Yes, this is an actual birthday announcement from a local paper.  I shake my head in utter disbelief.

News

First Birthday

Kenychi Jessyanna Ny'Eastor Nyecolio Badue

Kenychi Jessyanna Ny'Eastor Nyecolio Badue will celebrate her first birthday Oct. 29, 2004. She is the daughter of Lawanda Bansom and Kennis Badue of Laurel.

Maternal grandparents are Easter McCray and Willie McCray and Michael Andrews, all of Laurel.

Paternal grandparents are the late Jossie P. Badue and Calvin Badue, both of Taylorsville.

Great-grandparents are Johnnie M. Andrews and Ned Andrews, both of Laurel.

The baby has three siblings, Latasha Bansom, Ja'Keiko McCray and Sennaj McCray.
 

Pity this child, for its parents have given it a name suitable only for life-long ridicule and misery.

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Recently, on THE WORLD'S MOST DANGEROUS POLICE CHASES, I saw where the Honolulu Police Department set up a sting.  They sent out notices to a bunch of criminals that the crooks had won a free paid vacation and cruise.  When the crooks showed up to collect the prize, they were identified, lead off to another room and arrested.  I told Mark Longmire about this and his question was: "These people live in Hawaii ! What kind of vacation did they think they were getting?"

I told him it was probably an all expense paid cruise to Branson, MO.

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From the "Darwin is pleased" file...

Home Fire Inspired By Movie, Beers, Man Says

'Day After Tomorrow,' Plus 9 Or 10 Beers, Led To Fire, Georgia Man Says

CORDELE, Ga. -- A Georgia man facing arson charges for burning his own home is blaming nine or 10 beers, and a disaster movie.  Charles Adams told Crisp County authorities he had been drinking while watching the movie "Day After Tomorrow."  Adams allegedly told deputies that after watching the special-effects extravaganza depicting deadly natural disasters caused by global warming, he decided to set fire to pillows on his bed.

The flames destroyed his doublewide mobile home.

Please note the last sentence and that this man is from Georgia.  That's all you need to know to put it all in
context. -BE
 

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I walked into the bathroom at work one day and saw that it was already occupied by one of my coworkers. He looked up from the stand up urinal as I opened the door and nodded to me.  Now, I'm not one for sharing my bathroom space with anyone, let alone talking to someone while I've got my dick in my hand.  It's not a shyness thing, I can do it if I have to, it's a personal preference.  So, as I turned to leave, he called after me "Hey, you can come on back!  It's a two holer!  There's plenty of room!"

"That's exactly what I'm afraid of..." I muttered under my breath, not looking back.

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Rangers Pitcher Arrested After Oakland Brawl

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

OAKLAND, Calif. — Texas reliever Frank Francisco (search) was arrested Tuesday morning on a charge of aggravated battery after he threw a chair into the right-field box seats and hit two spectators in the head during Monday night's loss to the Oakland Athletics (search).

One of the fans, an unidentified woman, was bloodied and her nose was broken.

Major League Baseball's (search) commissioner's office said Tuesday morning that it was investigating. Francisco was cooperative after he was taken into custody, Oakland Police Department deputy chief Peter Dunbar said.

With two outs in the ninth inning, the Rangers' Alfonso Soriano tied the game 5-5 with his second homer of the night. Moments later, with Hank Blalock at the plate, the Texas bench and bullpen cleared.

"Tonight, it went over the line," Rangers manager Buck Showalter said after the game. "It was a real break from the normal trash you hear from fans. We've had problems about every time we've come here."

Texas reliever Doug Brocail was seen screaming at a male fan, and the pitcher had to be restrained by his teammates and bullpen coach Mark Connor. Others also had to be held back.

Francisco threw the chair at a fan in a lower box near the Rangers' bullpen along the right-field line. The chair hit one man in the head, then bounced and struck the woman on her left temple.

Security ran to the scene and a small section of fans was cleared from their seats.

A's manager Ken Macha came across the field to speak to Dave Rinetti, vice president of stadium operations, before play resumed 19 minutes later.

There was talk between the umpires and managers of suspending the game, clearing the stands and forfeiting the game.

The Athletics won 7-6 in the 10th inning.

"From what I understand, there was some calls made to security early during the game but I have no idea what started it out there," crew chief Joe Brinkman said.

Rinetti said afterward that the woman was being treated at a hospital for facial cuts and a broken nose. Francisco was escorted by police out an alternate stadium exit after the game and into a car waiting on the field.

Rangers officials did not return calls Tuesday morning.

Brocail declined to comment, and Francisco wasn't around the locker room afterward.

Francisco, 25, was the American League rookie of the month for August, when he was 3-0 with a 1.69 ERA.

The teams meet again Tuesday night in Oakland.

Well, it's a good thing he's too stupid to spell "lawsuit" otherwise he might just be worried. -BE
 

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Do you think that The Wiggles got their wardrobe from Paramount after the original Star Trek television series was cancelled?  I mean, it looks like Kirk, Bones, Scotty and Spock from left to right.

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"If you wind up being less than what you're pretending to be, there is a major confrontation with value, self-esteem and your sense of how others view you." -John Kerry

I love irony, especially when it occurs naturally. -BE

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I saw a church bus the other day. It had chrome twenty inch spinners on it.
I can't even begin to imagine the justification for that.

 "Jesus told me that our charch buh needed some rimths!
Praise Gawd! Path thuh collection plate! Hallelujah!  Soon we's gone be rolling in style."

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From the "Change one word change the whole song..." file

Wrap It Up (Fabulous T-birds)

I've been watchin' you for days now baby.
I just love your sexy ways now baby.
Ya know our love will never stop now baby.
Just put your lovin' in my box now baby.

Wrap it up; I'll take it Chorus 2x

Well no more will I shop around now baby.
I know I got the best thing in town now baby.
I've seen all I want to see now baby.
Bring your lovin' straight to me now baby.

Wrap it up; I'll take it Chorus 4x (solo) 2x 4 measures.

Well I'm gonna treat you like the queen you are.
Bring you sweet things from my candy jar.
You've got tricks you ain't never used.
Give it, Give it to me, it won't be abused.

Repeat 1st verse,
Wrap it up; I'll take it Chorus 4x (Wrap Wrap)

Change the word "wrap" to "lube" and you have a brand new song.
Somehow, given the lyrics, it just makes more sense this way.  Enjoy!

Lube It Up (Fabulous T-birds)

I've been watchin' you for days now baby.
I just love your sexy ways now baby.
Ya know our love will never stop now baby.
Just put your lovin' in my box now baby.

Lube it up; I'll take it Chorus 2x

Well no more will I shop around now baby.
I know I got the best thing in town now baby.
I've seen all I want to see now baby.
Bring your lovin' straight to me now baby.

Lube it up; I'll take it Chorus 4x (solo) 2x 4 measures.

Well I'm gonna treat you like the queen you are.
Bring you sweet things from my candy jar.
You've got tricks you ain't never used.
Give it, Give it to me, it won't be abused.

Repeat 1st verse,
Lube it up; I'll take it Chorus 4x (Lube Lube)
 

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Dave Matthews Band Blamed For Human Waste

Aug 24, 2004 CHICAGO Rock star Dave Matthews and his tour bus driver are facing a filthy lawsuit.

The Illinois Attorney General's office says they're responsible for dumping up to 800-gallons of raw human waste from a tour bus onto the Kinzie Street Bridge earlier this month.

The nasty mess rained down on passengers aboard a sightseeing boat two weeks ago.

The lawsuit accuses the band and one of its tour bus drivers, Stefan Wohl, of violating state water pollution and public nuisance laws. It seeks $70,000 in civil penalties.

``Our driver has stated that he was not involved in this incident,'' band spokesman John Vlautin said in a statement.

``We reserve judgment on anyone until we have seen the evidence. We have been and will continue to be cooperative in this investigation.''

According to the lawsuit, on Aug. 8 a bus leased by the Dave Matthews Band was driving toward a downtown hotel where band members were staying for a performance in Wisconsin. As the bus crossed the grated Kinzie Street bridge, the driver allegedly emptied the contents of the bus' septic tank into the river below, the lawsuit alleged.

At that moment, more than 100 people on the Chicago's Little Lady architecture tour passed underneath the bridge and were showered with the human waste.

The attorney general's office said no one was seriously injured.

``This incident may be unique, but that does not lessen the environmental or public health risks posed by the release of at least 800 pounds of liquid human waste into a busy waterway and onto a crowded tour boat,'' Attorney General Lisa Madigan said in a statement.

After the incident, the boat's captain turned the vessel around and took passengers back to the dock. Everyone received refunds and the boat has since been cleaned with disinfectant.

Officials with the Chicago Architectural Foundation, which operates the tour boat, have said they received several angry calls from passengers demanding compensation for clothing and personal items that got soaked.

Yeah, well, I always thought that his music was shitty but now this just proves it. -BE

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I wonder if the people who spit on our soldiers and call them "baby killers" would turn around and proudly claim that they were pro-choice. I mean, what's the difference if you use a coat hanger or a bullet? It's still killing a baby.  I guess it's wrong if someone else does it but it's okay if you do it, at least that's the liberal mindset.

I swear this is one fucked up country that we live in and the people who fucked it up for everyone else are called "liberals."

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The Olympics are here! Whee. Watching the Olympics makes you glad that there is Reality TV.

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And speaking of Reality TV.

Seen it before.

Liked it better when it was called Live Journal.
____________________________________________________
 

Do you think that Mark Hacking hacked Lori Hacking up and put her in the landfill? That would be irony, given his last name. And it's been said before, but who really gives a flying fuck about Lori Hacking, I mean, besides her parents and family? What makes her so special from all the other women who disappear in America each day, week, month? I've really grown numb to these sensationalism stories and could care less. I don't even care about Lori Peterson anymore. If it happens in my community, I'll be interested in it. Got a missing person, give me an APB and I'll be on the look out for them. Otherwise, get that crap off of my TV. I don't want to see a 24 hour a day live video feed of Peterson or Hacking.

Who cares?!  Fry the two sons of bitches and put something on that's far more interesting, like reruns of THREE'S COMPANY.

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This is my favorite political joke and probably says in the simplest terms
just why I am a Conservative and a Republican

A teenage girl was about to finish her first year of college. She considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and her father was a rather staunch Republican.

One day she was challenging her father on his beliefs and his opposition to programs like welfare.

He stopped her and asked her how she was doing in school. She answered that she had a 4.0 GPA, but it was really tough. She had to study all the time, never had time to go out and party and often went sleepless because of all the studying. She didn't have time for a boyfriend and didn't really have many college friends because of all her studying.

He then asked how her friend Mary, who was attending the same college, was doing.

She replied that she was barely getting by. She had a 2.0 GPA, never studied, was very popular on campus, went to parties all the time and often wouldn't show up for classes because she was hung over.

The father then asked his daughter why she didn't go to the Dean's office and ask to take 1.0 off her 4.0 and give it to her friend that had only a 2.0. That way they would both have a 3.0 GPA.

The daughter fired back and said "that wouldn't be fair, I worked really hard for mine and my friend has done nothing."

The father smiled and said: "Welcome to the Republican Party."

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Putting John Kerry in the Whitehouse would have been
like putting Michael Jackson in charge of a day care facility.

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I know a few people who have told me that they are going to vote for Nader, just to punish Bush. A vote for Nader is a vote against America, just as a vote for John Kerry is a vote against America. Let me explain the situation to you in a scenario that you might understand.

Think of America as your house.

Think of Al-Qaeda as a thief / murderer breaking into your house.

You still have a handgun (thanks in no part to the liberals out there) to protect yourself with.

Think of the handgun and the bullet that you will fire as your vote in the upcoming election.

You have only one bullet so you must decide how you will use that bullet.

Now, as a supporter of Bush, you can choose to fire the bullet at the intruder with the intent to severely wound or kill him thus defending your home and family.

If you choose to vote third party, then you will choose to waste your vote which is tantamount to you aiming your handgun at the ceiling, pulling the trigger and wasting your bullet. It may make you feel better, but it is not going to protect your home or your family.

If you wish to vote for a liberal, who has a history of undermining both the military and defense / intelligence agencies of this country, you have now chosen to hand the loaded handgun over to the criminal and you are hoping for the best.

The hatred right now for George Bush is like the homeowner hating the handgun. Deciding to get back at the only thing that is protecting you right now, the only thing that has protected you, is a bit silly and shows a vast amount of immaturity as well as ignorance in the voting process.

I truly feel sorry for those who are casting their votes for a third party for they are casting their votes based on their feelings, not for the betterment of the nation.
 

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I hate the rash of Christian based marketing concepts. One recent commercial that I heard on the radio was for Christian Credit Consolidation services. Is this service open to atheists as well? What about Muslims or Buddhists? The irony was where they said that CCC was serving Christians in every part of the nation. Then the fine print is read and it says "services not available in some states."

Huh?

I guess that means that they aren't serving Christians in EVERY part of the nation, now are they?

And what the hell is the Christian way to eliminate bills?  I don't remember reading about that in the Bible.

There's also a local company offering some type of modification for your air conditioning system, which sounds mechanically like an intercooler. It is supposed to reduce the work of your AC system and save you money on your cooling costs. At the end, they finish the commercial by saying that the design is "an inspiration from God." Huh? Is this supposed to make me want to buy their product.  I'm sure that God came down in a vision and showed them how to make this intercooler thingy.

Right.  I really get tired of people using Christian bait to try to lure Christians into doing business with them.  God doesn't have a trademark symbol behind His name.

____________________________________________________

This is my vote for "Worst Dressed Muslim Terrorist"

You know, we are doing these people a great dis-service.  Instead of sending them food, fresh drinking water and teaching them how to grow crops in the desert, we really need to stop shipping them things that even people who frequent a United Way or Salvation Army store wouldn't wear.  Look at this guy!  He looks like Ernie from Sesame Street running down the street with a tablecloth on his head and sandals, carrying a RPG.  We don't need to send these people aid or military advisors, we need to send them fashion coordinators.

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Hooray!  American Militia Ninja Forces are about to strike a blow
for freedom to unsuspecting Muslim insurgents!

Oh, wait, those are ALL terrorists.  Sorry, I just can't take anyone seriously who wears parachute pants, a wrestling mask, ra-ras and a discounted Wal-Mart shirt.  These people aren't scary, they're ridiculous.  And if they are so proud of their fight for their religion, why do they cover their heads and hide their identity?  If this is a holy war, they should be proud to be warriors in it.

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Police Charge Two CT Men With 'Potty Rage'

(Stratford, CT) Police have charged two men in a confrontation that could be described as potty rage.

The situation developed Friday night when a 52-year-old Stratford man took too much time in a bathroom at Burger King, police said.

Andres A. Diaz, who was in the john, and Joseph Manuel Augusto, 37, who was waiting to use it, got into an argument when Diaz emerged, police said.

Heated words escalated into a physical fight.

The two men allegedly bumped chests, then chased each other around the restaurant with their weapons. Augusto had a small razor pocket knife and Diaz brandished a Burger King straw dispenser, police said.

No one was injured.

Both men were arrested and charged with breach of peace and issued a summons to appear in court on July 27.

Just like a moron to bring a straw dispenser to a knife fight. -BE

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I think Linda Ronstadt should have learned a lesson from what happened to the Ditzy Chicks, sorry the Dixie Chicks when she turned her show into a one woman crusade for politics.  I also heard that she may go back to the motel where she was kicked out and do a duet with Michael Moore. 

Great!

If ever there was a couple who's combined musical talent could stop two stray alley cats from fucking it would be these two morons.

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People in glass houses shouldn't throw rocks, unless of course they live in
shatterproof glass houses then it might be okay.

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I wonder if anyone has ever had to repo a coffin.

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I find it funny that there is a Viagra car in NASCAR. That just seems to be counterproductive, almost like saying that your typical NASCAR fan might need some help in that department. I think NASCAR would have seen that coming, but then NASCAR isn't about racing, it's about money. You could probably get a TAMPAX car in NASCAR if you could put enough zeroes on the check.

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Rapper DMX Arrested for Trying to Steal Car

Friday, June 25, 2004

NEW YORK — Rapper and actor DMX (search) was arrested on charges that he and another man tried to steal a car in a parking lot at Kennedy Airport (search), authorities said.

DMX, whose real name is Earl Simmons, and Jackie Hudgins were arrested Thursday night after Port Authority police interrupted a dispute between the two and another man whose car they allegedly tried to steal, authorities said.

A preliminary investigation indicated that Simmons may have identified himself as a federal agent, according to Tony Ciavolella, a Port Authority spokesman.

No one was hurt and no weapons were recovered, Ciavolella said.

Simmons and Hudgins were arrested on charges of attempted robbery, criminal impersonation and criminal mischief, he said. They were in custody and were expected to be taken to central booking in Queens late Thursday.

A message left for the company representing Simmons was not immediately returned Thursday night.

The rapper was fined and ordered to make public service announcements for the Humane Society (search) after police found pipes for smoking crack, a pistol and 13 pit bulls at his home in Teaneck, N.J., in 1999.

Simmons pleaded guilty to animal cruelty, disorderly conduct and possession of drug paraphernalia in that case.

DMX has acted in films including "Romeo Must Die," "Exit Wounds" and "Cradle 2 The Grave."

Maybe his next movie will be called "NEVER STEAL A CAR ALONE." Now what gets me is that DMX makes more money than I probably will in a lifetime, so why does he have to go and STEAL a car?  That doesn't make any sense, the man could probably go buy a Hummer with what he considers to be pocket change.  I guess it just goes to prove that you can take the thug out of the ghetto but you can never take the ghetto out of the thug.  Maybe he'll do a new song when he gets to jail.  The lyrics could go something like "Ya'll gonna bend me over, up in here, up in here.  Ya'll going to make me lose my behind.  Up in here.  Up in here.  Ya'll going to make me squeal!  Up in here.  Up in here." -BE
 

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I see where a local convenience store has a sign which
 proclaims that they have "the coldest beer allowed by law."

 What law is that?

The law of thermodynamics?
 

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A bit old but still worth reading if you haven't seen it since it first debuted in 1996...
 

Thought you might enjoy this interesting prayer given in Kansas at the opening session of their Senate. It seems prayer still upsets some people.  When Minister Joe Wright was asked to open the new session of the Kansas Senate, everyone was expecting the usual generalities, but this is what they heard:

"Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, 'Woe to those who call evil good,' but that is exactly what we have done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values. We confess that we have ridiculed the absolute truth of Your Word and call it Pluralism.

We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery.

We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare.

We have killed our unborn and called it choice.

We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable.

We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self esteem.

We have abused power and called it politics.

We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition.

We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression.

We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment

Search us, Oh, God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and set us free.

Guide and bless these men and women who have been sent to direct us to the center of Your will and to openly ask these things in the name of Your Son, the living Savior, Jesus Christ.

Amen!"

The response was immediate. A number of legislators walked out during the prayer in protest.  In 6 short weeks, Central Christian Church, where Rev. Wright is pastor, logged more than 5,000 phone calls with only 47 of those calls responding negatively. The church is now receiving international requests for copies of this prayer from India, Africa and Korea.

Commentator Paul Harvey aired this prayer on his radio program, "The Rest of the Story," and received a larger response to this program than any other he has ever aired.

With the Lord's help, may this prayer sweep over our nation and wholeheartedly become our desire so that we again can be called "one nation under God."

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I really am getting tired of all of these Dr. Scholls Gel Pad commercials where the actors talk to each other and ask the stupid question: "Are you gellin?"

I wonder if Dale Earnhardt was gellin' right before he hit the wall.

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Recently my office had a blood drive.  The poster on the wall had a big blood drop and the caption "Good to the last drop."

What are we talking about here, human blood or Maxwell House coffee?

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In honor of Kurt Cobain's first decade of death, I submit to you a bumper sticker I would like to see:

" Courtney Love's a bitch and then you die. "

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Easter Bunny Whipped by Pa. Church Group

Thursday, April 08, 2004

GLASSPORT, Pa. — A church trying to teach about the crucifixion of Jesus performed an Easter show with actors whipping the Easter bunny and breaking eggs, upsetting several parents and young children.

People who attended Saturday's performance at Glassport's memorial stadium quoted performers as saying, "There is no Easter bunny," and described the show as being a demonstration of how Jesus was crucified.

Melissa Salzmann, who brought her 4-year-old son J.T., said the program was inappropriate for young children.

"He was crying and asking me why the bunny was being whipped," Salzmann said.

Patty Bickerton, the youth minister at Glassport Assembly of God, said the performance wasn't meant to be offensive. Bickerton portrayed the Easter rabbit and said she tried to act with a tone of irreverence.

"The program was for all ages, not just the kids. We wanted to convey that Easter is not just about the Easter bunny, it is about Jesus Christ," Bickerton said.

Performers broke eggs meant for an Easter egg hunt and also portrayed a drunken man and a self-mutilating woman, said Jennifer Norelli-Burke, another parent who saw the show in Glassport, a community about 10 miles southeast of Pittsburgh.

"It was very disturbing," Norelli-Burke said. "I could not believe what I saw. It wasn't anything I was expecting."

I simply cannot stop laughing at this bit of news.  They whipped and crucified the Easter Bunny, in front of small children and they thought this was a good idea?  Hahahahahahahaha!  They should have done a skit where the Nazis send Santa off to the ovens and gas him... that would have been even better.  What a bunch of religious morons.  -BE

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I think that Hericlitus would have felt at ease with the aspect of time dilation
 in regard to Einstein's theory of relativity.
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